It is amazing how a simple bouquet of flowers from the grocery store can brighten our days. When I brought these beauties home all of the lilies were tight little buds, but this one broke free yesterday....it's almost like she is saying, get my outta here. And that is exactly the way I have been feeling lately....get me outta here. It snowed again yesterday and today is bright and sunny but mighty windy creating little mini vortexes in the snow. (def...a whirling mass of water, especially one in which a force of suction operates, a whirlpool). Ever once in awhile I like to use words that make me appear smart. did it?
I need to adopt a more optimistic attitude, because my attitude lately has been like a vortex, swirling in the "what is wrong with me" whirlpool. I just read that optimism is the yeast in the bread of life. With it we rise, without it our spirits fall flat. I am hoping 10 days in sunny Arizona will brighten my spirits, but I fear once I get out there I might not want to return to this weather. Today it is supposed to reach a high of 30, then we won't see that again until who knows when, teens and single digits for the rest of the week.....heavy sigh.
Honestly I think what has me down is that this week (the 25th) marks our wedding anniversary of 50 years. If life was normal, a party or a special trip would commemorate the day, but sadly life circumstances prevents that from occurring. I am blessed that a small group of my girlfriends are taking me to a lovely place for lunch this week in honor of the day. So yes, I am feeling sorry for myself, thinking of the what if's and that 50 years together deserves more than a trip to the nursing home and the man I love looking at me with no memories of those years.
Enough wallowing, good news, I have found someone who is staying at my home with my kids while I am away. She came yesterday for a meet and greet and the kids instantly took a likin' to her, so I think all will be well while I am away.
And PS....still using my 50mm lens.
"A light heart lives long" ~ An Irish Proverb
Until next time.....
awww. bittersweet marking of the week. you don't need to apologize for being down about the circumstances.
ReplyDeleteKnow that your anniversary has to make you feel somewhat blue, but know that you also have had many happy years of marriage to be grateful for. So sorry that you are not able to celebrate this milestone in a better way with your husband. Have to admit that all the cold weather can't make how you are feeling any better though, so hope that some time in the warm weather will make you mood better. Know you are looking forward to this! Lovely shots with our fifty mm
ReplyDeleteIt's a big milestone, Deanna, and I can very much understand why you may be feeling the way you are.
ReplyDeleteSending big hugs to you.
Yes, Deanna ... I remember you being blue last year around your anniversary. And that's okay. We all understand and were we in the same circumstances, we'd feel very much like you do. Thank goodness for your kind, considerate and compassionate friends. And, oh, my! What would we do without our grocery store flowers in the winter? We'd really be bonkers! {Saw your comment on Camper - the texture was one of Kim's Water Colors and I used an artistic filter in PSE, I think it was plastic wrap, or whatever that one is. Thank you for the kind words! It means a lot to me coming from the resident Texture Queen.}
ReplyDeleteYou're so blessed to have wonderful friends when you need them!
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to be disgruntled with it being your 50th Wedding Anniversary and you can't do anything special with your love.....I know if he wasn't sick he would be treating you like a queen; keep that thought close by.....and all the snow you've had is enough to make one want to get away...and by the way...10 days in sunny Arizona ....I want to go....Wouldn't it be grand to spend cold winters where's it's warm and sunny? So glad you found someone to care for the kids while you are gone...that will take a load off your mind knowing they are being taken care of in your absence.....
ReplyDeleteI hear you. My heart really goes out to you as my mom is swirling down the dementia vortex. I can only image how hard each day must be, much less your 50 anniversary. You honor your husband and in doing so you honor God. I feel like my words are pathetic so I'll leave it at that. And big hugs! Peace.
ReplyDeleteI know that 10 days in a sunny, WARM clime will help your spirits. Who wouldn't feel sad about 50 years that only one of you can celebrate? I feel sad for you about that. I'm trying to think what that wonderful pink bloom is! Glad you make a point of buying flowers to bring some cheer and color inside. You deserve them! I'm only slightly jealous - can't wait for you to post about AZ! I'm in Denver, and it's been balm to my spirit to have a bit of warmth with no wind!
ReplyDeleteDon't apologize. It's natural to feel down and disgruntled because the 50th anniversary isn't as you would like it to be. I'm glad you'll have friends to be with. And I'm glad you have a wonderful, warm trip to look forward to. Be kind to yourself!
ReplyDeleteI am happy your girlfriends are treating you kindly this week. You have every right to your feelings . . . I am sad for you . . . Just not fair, no matter how you look at it . . . Grab hold of a sweet moment in your life together and cherish the memory on your anniversary day . . . I am sending you my caring . . .
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to feel down, Deanna with your 50th Anniversary coming up and not being able to celebrate it in some big way with your sweetie. Thank goodness for good friends who help fill the void.
ReplyDeleteYour intro' photo has an almost vintage look to it; mellow. OH .. and then your beautiful soft pink anemone ... Your anniversary date Deanna isn't going unnoticed at least you have a wonderful support network to help you through that day; enjoy it with them. Where would we be without our friends. Your Arizona journey (I think maybe a photographic one?) is something else to look forward to.
ReplyDeleteThat is wonderful that you have friends to help you commemorate the day. It is sad that you both can't enjoy this wonderful mile marker.
ReplyDeleteHaving blue bittersweet feelings about your 50th Anniversary without your Sweetie is something you don't have to apologize for. So glad to read that you will honor the day together with some wonderful friends.
ReplyDeleteNothin' but love for you Deanna. xxxooo
ReplyDeleteJust keep in mind all the fun we are going to have tip toeing through the beautiful glass and through the butterflies while you are here and your loving friends who will keep your spirits up over this week. Love the ranunculus, now that should lift anyone's spirit. Have a good week.
ReplyDeleteDeanna,
ReplyDeleteI think it is more than ok to get yourself some flowers to enjoy. I have a tendency to stop, look and enjoy their beauty. The added bonus of bringing home flowers is the joy of photographing them. Priceless!
Last weekend was the 10th anniversary of my losing my Grandpa. Grandpa was one of my favorite people and a man I think about everyday. Mom and Grandpa were very close. I mentioned it to Mom yesterday. She said she doesn't think about the anniversary part of it, but remembers the good things and fun times.
I have not had to experience a family member with alzheimer's and I can't imagine how hard it is. Deanna, you are strong, keep thinking positive and remember to good memories you and your Sweetie have made.
Have a wonderful trip to Arizona. I can't wait to see the beautiful pictures you will take.
Thinking of you on the special day, have a great trip to Arizona it's just what you need...
ReplyDeleteIt must be so hard, to have your Sweetie there, and not have him, at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have friends to make the day special. It's a milestone that many don't reach. Celebrate it.
Good to hear you found someone to stay with your Kids. That will make the trip more enjoyable, not worrying about them.
Take care.
I would say you have every right to be down about missing your sweetie and what might have been. I'm so sorry. Your images are breathtaking - the ranunculus is amazing. I can't wait to meet you, Deanna - I'm so excited to get away to sunny AZ too!
ReplyDeletePerfectly understandable, my dear Deanna, that you are feeling a bit blue right now but I like Jeanne's advice to focus on all the happy years you had together. So happy you have friends there to cheer you and know you have several friends here just waiting for your arrival so we can play together! And that ranunculus? Absolutely stunning!
ReplyDeleteI sure hope Arizona is your "yeast" for your spirit... sounds like you could use a little rising in your life right now.
ReplyDeleteDeanna....no apologies necessary...just hopes that the week end up being sprinkled with some pleasant surprises for you. I do have to admit I've got some major 50mm envy goin' on! :-)
ReplyDelete{{{hug}}}
ReplyDeleteYou need not apologize for your feelings - they are honest and well deserved and you are, after all, human. Even as I count my blessings, I find myself wondering 'what if' - I think this is in part our desire to want more from life, that part which prompts us to take trips to Arizona (or California) and press forward to the next stage even if it wasn't exactly what we pictured. Enjoy your week and celebrate 50 years of honor and love.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so sorry that you are blue, it's understandable . . . I'm so jealous that you are going to Arizona, I've never been. And I so want to go to that butterfly place! One can only hope that the snow will all be melted by the time you get back.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I can't believe you found ranunculus already...my all time favorite! Still loving my 50 too!
Hi Deanna,
ReplyDeletejust found your blog here...Wonderful pictures,
Love your Ranunculus. I am crazy about this beauties...
(just take a look at my blog.. :-))
Thanks for sharing.
Brigitte
I think Arizona is just the pick-me-up you need. It sounds great to me. I'm so glad you will have the company support of your wonderful friends on your golden anniversary.
ReplyDeleteBIG {{{{{hugs}}}}} and love to you!
ReplyDeleteYour 50mm is gorgeous. Your 50 years are also beautiful. You are beautifully living out those vows even now. I am sad for you that you can't enjoy a very special celebration together, but your faithfulness is a legacy for your children and grandchildren that will endure as a foundation for them in more ways than you will probably ever see.
ReplyDeleteIt's the little things like picking up a grocery store bouquet that gets us through... lovely shots and early Happy Anniversary.
ReplyDeleteA loss like that is always hard every year. Hoping you have good times in on your trip!
ReplyDeleteBrenda
Arizona I want to go too. Is it warm there??? I'm been taking care of my parents alpacas for the past 8 days on top of work my husbands surgery and recovery and life and work (we aren't sure when they will return because they are snowed in there! Well the snow is here, but flights are canceled for days!). Ugg Ugg Ugg. I want to rant and complain :) I want to visit all my blogging friends instead can I pretend to do that :) I am sending you a big hug!
ReplyDelete