As the year is coming to a close, I think we all tend to look back at the rights we did, along with the wrongs. This morning as I read the bi-monthly newsletter from Kat Sloma from
The Kat's Eye View she was also looking back at how long it has taken her to really feel that the USA is again home for her after spending time in Italy. Never quite realizing that it would take her 18 months to feel at "home" again. I immediately compared my life to hers, not in feeling that the USA is my home which it is and always has been, but in feeling comfortable and "normal" in my home. It has been 16 months since my sweetie moved into the memory care facility and I am not sure yet that I have settled into this new lifestyle. Oh most days come and go, sometimes I am with friends, other times not. I do relish my time alone, never realizing that alone time can be a good thing. I enjoy the coming and going without the worry of someone at home to care for, I enjoy eating whenever and whatever I please, again not worrying about preparing lunch or dinner. I enjoy the staying up late or going to bed early without the worry of making sure everyone is settled for the night. I don't worry about purchasing something frivolous and then having to explain my actions. If laundry piles up, it's mine.
But having said all that, I miss the hell out of being with my husband, growing old together, traveling like we had planned together, visiting our kids, working in the garden together, going to the movies together, him taking out the garbage and getting the cars serviced and not me, partnering with him as he practiced his faith being a Deacon at church. And eventho on New Year's Eve he would invariably fall asleep before midnight, I so wish he was here so I could watch him sleeping and give him a New Year's kiss. So no, I guess I haven't quite settled into feeling comfortable with my new life, not completely anyway.
My word for 2013 is YES and I have a whole list of what I want to say YES to beginning with 'to worry less and say yes to more prayer'. My grandson & granddaughter-in-law gave me a book for Christmas by Anne Lemott (a wonderful author) entitled THANKS, HELP, WOW. The only three prayers we need. I plan to use this book to assist me on my "more prayer" journey.
How about you? Do you chose a word for the year?
"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." ~Leo Buscaglia
Until next time....
I'm so sorry about your husband - it's obvious that you miss him terribly. I wish you all the best in 2013, and I think your word is great. I have mine picked out and have written it on a sticky note stuck to my computer so I can think about it before I commit . . .
ReplyDeleteThe positive manner in which you carry yourself in spite of being undeniably sad and justifiably angry at being robbed of the love and companionship of your sweetie, has inspired me so much this year. It would be so easy to see this glass 1/2 empty rather than 1/2 full; but I have finally realized that 1/2 full is so much more powerful and something I need to instill in my own outlook on things. I wish you well with your prayers and 'yes' approach in 2013 - and will be in the gallery cheering to be sure.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how difficult it has been for you having to give up your husband in your every day life. I can understand that sometimes it is nice to be free of a burden, but I'm sure you would rather have things back to the way they were years ago. Such is life. I don't have a word picked out for the new year. I guess that's because I have always found it difficult to narrow myself down to just a word or two. Maybe I should make a resolution to try it this year.
ReplyDeleteDeanna I enjoyed your thought provoking post, so nicely written, and the finale image is beautiful too. Like you I can get on solo admirably I think, however yes, the pangs of 'wishing' your certain someone were still in your life can be very difficult to ignore. Not that we need to, just having to accept it though, is indeed a constant struggle emotionally. I have never thought of choosing a 'word' for the New Year, now that is in itself thought provoking..... Best wishes, take care
ReplyDeleteYOU ROCK!!! i need to check out that books ... sounds like a must read. a one word for each year ... never thought about that ... sounds like a fun thing to consider ... a must do. ha. ha! big hug. i love new year because it always means i can try again & agan. ( :
ReplyDeleteYour post was so thoughtful. Last year my word(s) was (Embrace) Change and I worked at it. Change came -- some physical loss with my spinal tumor and surgery -- though not what I expected. I am thinking about my word for this year and I am just about decided, but not 100%. I should be ready to post it on January 1.
ReplyDeleteI think "yes" is a perfect word! My word is "Choose"
ReplyDeleteI think our words have similar connotations...mine is "live". Which means I plan on saying YES to much myself in 2013.
ReplyDeleteHello Deanna, I was glad not to miss this post because I didn't know about your husband, being a rather new reader. I can only imagine the adjustments and changes you are still having to accept. I've never chosen a word, but "yes" is a word that signifies exactly the kind of person you seem to me. i wish you all the best in 2013.
ReplyDeleteNo, I haven't ever chosen a word for the year, but I've been seeing posts on this and I'm toying with it. Not sure what the word would be, but it's intriguing.
ReplyDeleteI've been struggling with prayer this past year, feeling stuck, drawing blanks, or that I'm taking the same thing to God over and over. May need to look into that book...
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to carry on without your dear husband. I know I've told you this before, but I so admire your strength and positive attitude. May God continue to grant you wisdom, peace and strength. You are a special lady and I am thankful to have you in my blogging circle.
Saying 'Yes' to more prayer is definitely a good thing! Love it =)
ReplyDeleteI just love reading your posts. I can't imagine what you have gone through with your husband but it must be hard and at time lonely for you. Wishing you all the best in 2013.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post Deanna, it has been a long time since my husband died, going on 11 years this April but I have not gotten to the part where i don't miss everyone of the things you talked about with your husband. I also love being alone, or I should say have gotten use to it but I do miss all the things you do about having that special love with you. Happy New Year. My word is "Moderation". I think it will serve me well this year. Happy New Year
ReplyDeleteI think the word Peace chose me. You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteHi Deanna
ReplyDeleteI love reading your posts, I feel as if we are having a coffee together. I admire you tremendously your calm acceptance and fortitude . I think my word is going to be BEGIN . I hope 2013 will be creative, peaceful and healthy for you....
Oh Deanna...given that my family has traced the same path as yours...I'm just not sure you can equate being "comfortable" with your life with not missing anything about your old life. I think I shall ALWAYS miss certain aspects of our life pre-Alzheimers...no matter how much I accept or am comfortable with my current life. I think you have done such an outstanding job on your journey. If you ever get down, you always seem to pick yourself up and move forward. I would say THAT is a definition of being "comfortable", the ability to keep moving forward. Kudos to you my friend :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post this is Deanna.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure one can ever become comfortable in a situation such as this, but I think that over time we learn to accept and to be grateful for what we do have.
xo.
Beautifully said Deanna. You are strong and determined and I think you can accomplish anything you set out to do. You'll do your word YES proud!! Happy New Year my friend.
ReplyDelete