Saturday, February 7, 2015

A New Path


Hello February.  Here it is already the 7th of February and I'm still having trouble writing 2015. I think it is fitting that I begin the month with a whopping snow storm and end the month in sunny, balmy Arizona.  (God willin' and the creek don't rise)


Shortly after I return from Arizona in early March I will be taking a major step in my spiritual journey.  My Mother began my faith journey by sending us kids to West Shore Presbyterian Church in Dallas. She and my Dad never went, I don't remember my Dad ever going to church but I believe he was a God filled man.  I have such fond memories of that church, they had such a great teen organization with Sunday evening gatherings, camps, and retreats.  Some of the best memories of my childhood were the camping trips and times spent with a great group of kids and our leaders. As I remember I did have a major crush on a couple of really cute guys in that group.  Well, that's for another post.  I was introduced to Jesus Christ and my faith at this church which was the first step in my spiritual journey. Anyway as time went by I became a little restless with the church, I felt like I needed something more ritualistic, holier, quieter. It was in my early 20's that I began to "shop" around for churches.  I ventured into the Catholic church not far from my home, and found it to be what I was looking for.  It was shortly after that I began dating my sweetie and when we married it was in the Catholic Church.  He grew up Catholic, went to Catholic grade school, alter server, the whole shabang. So it was a perfect fit, I converted.

I remained Catholic, baptized our children Catholic, did not send them to Catholic schools, but made sure they were baptized and confirmed and attended weekly Mass. After moving here, and when my sweetie retired with a fabulous offer from AT&T when he was a mere 50 years old, he felt a calling to become a Deacon in the church. Four long years of study, side by side together because they strongly encouraged the wives to attend the classes too and then finally ordination in 2002. It was during this time of study that we realized that something was amiss with my sweetie and we began searching for answers. He had dedicated his life to the church for 15 years, working at the church along with becoming a Deacon and when he needed and I needed the support of the "men" of the church, only a couple stepped forward.  Not the Priest, not his fellow Deacons, altho there was always a "how's Gary doing, we are praying for him.".  I needed their physical presence, along with their spiritual presence.  I have carried these feelings of anger and distress for many years. When my sweetie needed his fellow brothers in Christ, they were not there for him. And for me, I must admit there were a couple of major issues with the Catholic beliefs that I always had trouble accepting even after 50 years.  Along with the fact that I have never appreciated how the church defines a woman's role in the church, now and through-out history.  I feel as tho women have been and continue to be subservient and suppressed within the church, never allowed to become deacons and definitely not priests.  I never lost faith in God, just in the church and some of it's people. It was during this time I stopped attending church. But I will say that the new Pope is making a huge difference in re-defining the church and some of its rigidity. I am sure there are many a bishop and priest that are squirming with some of his "suggestions".  Kudos to him!  Maybe he can bring back some of those who have strayed from the church.


And now after attending the Presbyterian church 8 years for Bible Study every Wednesday and attending church services, a women's retreat, and other events and meeting the Pastors, I have made the step to re-join the Presbyterian faith and become a member.  It took me 2 + years to come to this decision, I didn't make this choice hastily without deep thought and a considerable amount of prayer. I need a church family and I feel that comfort when I attend.

I know this is probably not a topic that is usually posted on a blog, but this is who I am.  Anybody that admits that they pee in the shower (a long time ago post, tmi) can certainly talk about their faith. My intentions in writing this was not to encourage anyone from leaving the Catholic faith.  I have many wonderful faith-filled memories and experiences, along with great friendships being a member. But sometimes a new path must be forged to build our relationship with God and and with Jesus Christ.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."  Psalm 51:10

Until next time......



15 comments:

  1. Good for you and lucky you!
    I lost my faith many years ago and still have not found my way.
    Sometimes that makes me downright sad ... sometimes I just accept it for what it is.
    **hugs**
    diane @ thoughts & shots

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  2. i wish you well. i'm a 'reformed catholic' / non-religious person who is faith-filled. i do not seek a church community, but can understand those who find a family there. :)

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  3. oh wow! Missed that peeing in the shower post. I think it is wonderful for you to now be feeling as if you have found a church home Deanna. We all need a spiritual home and that is something that i believe is difficult to find... a place in which you feel safe and supported in your spiritual journey. So many churches I have found are mainly interested in expanding etc, and they are really not there for you when you need them. Thankfully our heavenly father is always there beside us, unlike many people. Good for you for making this decision, and for feeling free to share it. Love to you!

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  4. Thoughtful and faith-filled post. One thing that I missed when I moved to New York from Nashville was a lack of discussion of people's spiritual journey. It's a core of my life and one I am happy to share. Thank you for sharing.

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  5. I'm so glad to hear you found a Church you are happy with. I do wish you all the best my friend. I never went to church growing up and then in my early 20's started going to church. For a long time I went to a non-denominational Church. Then after going to the same church for years it started to change. They got a new pastor and it just wasn't the same. So we started looking for a new Church. We ended up at a Baptist church. We Loved it and went there till we started on this adventure of ours. I'm probably telling you way more than you want to hear. Sorry about that.

    Hugs~

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  6. I am happy for you Deanna . . . especially hearing that your feelings have turned into seeking relationship and community out of some disappointment and abandonment . . .
    Trust, peace and love in our faith and spiritual direction, seems to be the best calling.

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  7. Deanna, such a compelling story of your faith journey. From one Presbyterian to a soon-to-be Presby: welcome. With love.

    xo

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  8. I have never been to a Catholic church but have known some fine Catholics. I appreciate your search even though I don't go to church now.

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  9. So sorry your former church was not there for you when you needed them. I hope your new church is the right place for you!

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  10. I am a faith-filled person who knows Jesus as my Savior, but I don't attend church now. We left the church we belonged to after it became evident that it was "their" (the core group) church and not God's church. So I well understand what you mean about losing faith in some of the people and the church, but never in God. I wish you all the best in your new church!

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  11. Just like most journeys we embark on, there are bound to be twists and turns along the way. Doesn't change the destination, just the path we take to get there. Wishing you happiness and fulfillment with your new direction.

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  12. We change throughout life and our decisions about where we place our faith sometimes must change with us. I hope these next months bring you a sense of renewal and peace. (and warmth...)

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  13. It is your journey and your's alone. There is no flaw in questioning, nor in arriving at a decision that may sway against the tide. I applaud your voice and honesty and cheer with you this new direction in your spiritual journey. Bless you.

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  14. I must have missed the shower post...LOL
    I truly think God has a plan for each of us and I sometimes wonder if my missteps and path changes and switchbacks aren't all due to the devil working overtime trying to trip me up. I'm glad you found your way, but mostly I'm glad that you are happy about it. That's all that matters.

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  15. I am very happy to hear you have found a new church home...I cannot imagine our life here without the love and support our church family has been to us. I pray you will find the same in this community of believers. Thanks for sharing your faith walk with us....

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