"We usually feel emotionally we are hitting bottom but as we hit
the bottom, we fall through a trap door into a bright new world -
the realm of spiritual truth. Only by moving fully into the
darkness can we move through it into the light."
~ Shakti Gawain
When I finally felt as if I had hit the bottom as I struggled with caring for both my elderly Mother and my sweetie who was descending further and further into the darkness of dementia, and felt I couldn't do anything more I walked inside my closet, closed the door and cried and screamed silently. I gave up trying to do it all myself and asked God for that help I so desperately needed. I needed something beyond myself, and it was then that I began to grow.
Once I accepted God's help back into my life, I knew that He would be with me with my daily struggles. I had been angry with God for taking my sweetie from me so early, we had so many years ahead to enjoy together, and that was brought to an end far too quickly. But that day in the closet, struggling by myself I knew that I needed to let that anger go.
Life continued to be a struggle, the daily living of a care-giver has tremendous challenges, but I met those challenges and now 5 years later, I feel and see God's blessings through it all. My Mom did pass away, but she had led a long and fulfilled life, my sweetie is now being well-taken care of in a facility not far from home, and I have a life full of friends, activities, my love of photography, a pleasant home, food on my table, clothes on my back (way too many clothes, I might add) my family who will all be here this week for Thanksgiving, my joyful kids (aka dogs)...life is good and I thank God for all of these blessings and his constant and assuring guidance And for this I am grateful.
Until next time.....
There is nothing like knowing that God walks alongside of you. I often think we have to come to that "place of despair" and innability to control what ever the circumstance is before we just are able to give all to God. My word this year, that God is giving me more and more is TRUST. So glad for you that your life is so full... perhaps not exactly the life that you envisioned, but so filled with blessings! Your photo of the sunset is amazing. HOpe t hat your thanksgiving holiday is wonderful
ReplyDeleteBeautiful photos !
ReplyDeleteBeautiful photos and what a lovely post.
ReplyDeleteI lost my Faith when my sister died ... back in 1995 ... never got it back and that kind of makes me sad.
**hugs**
diane @ aug's blog
Beautiful post... and I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteSo happy for you Deanna! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeletei am so glad you found strength and help when you needed it most. pushed to your limit, no doubt.
ReplyDeleteIndeed many of us have so much to be thankful for, and recognizing this is yet another reason to be thankful.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that you are in a good place, Deanna.
You truly deserve it.
Happy Thanksgiving, my friend.
It is indeed hard to understand the "why's" in life like death and horrible diseases and disaster's that take away so much. I'm glad though you found your way back and have truly been blessed. You are a blessing to so many by the wonderful way you show us so much beauty we might over look or never get to see for ourselves. Loving the way the sunlight is streaming through the clouds in that last shot.
ReplyDeleteOh, Deanna, I am so sorry you had such a rough patch, but so glad that you have the things that make you happy and you have found the blessings!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you have found a comfortable peace- I can only imagine the stress of caring for your mom and your sweetheart at the same time. Have a wonderfully blessed Thanksgiving holiday with your family!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a peace beyond all understanding...caregiving, whether directly or by monitoring and advocating while others are doing the direct care, is extremely stressful...no matter the depth of your love. This is my first Thanksgiving without my mother after 14 years with Alzheimer's and I continue to care for and monitor my 25 year old son with severe disabilities. Those cries from the closet can release something very powerful. All is grace.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right - we too often have to hit bottom before we can appreciate all that surrounds us and open up and let it into our life. Wishing you and your family a wonderful Thanksgiving.
ReplyDeleteawwww Deanna, how hard it must have been for you. But through it all you were able to come out on the other side. To find the strength you so desperately needed!!
ReplyDeleteI was able to see the joy in your entry. To feel the happiness you found in the amazing joys you have left in your life!!
Thank you for sharing your story with us, you truly are blessed!!
We just had a sermon about this today and the pastor used my example as an illustration. It is true, that in those moments we realize He is enough. I'm so sorry you have had to go through this but also rejoice that you have grown closer to the Lord.
ReplyDeleteSuch a heartfelt post, Deanna. I'm glad you found the guidance and strength you needed at such a hard time in your life. Your wonderful spirit is reflected in your beautiful photography.
ReplyDeleteDeanna, I feel your heart in this post. I have often felt hitting rock bottom to be the catalyst for growth. Struggle has away of paving the road for greater understanding and trust if we let it. I agree with Sarah above. He is enough. That is a refrain that I have to remind myself of a lot. That image is stunning. The clouds and the ray of light say it all.
ReplyDeleteSuch an honest, heartfelt post. It has obviously sustained you ... even though I know it hasn't been ... and isn't ... easy.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Deanna, love your photos and your post is so touching. I know what your going through the past year we struggled with this with my step dad. He's no longer with us and my mom is trying to move on with her life. She's at a cross roads. Seeing what you have gone through I know she will make through to the other side. Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteOh my Deanna...that second photo??!!??? What a stunner! Breathtakingly beautiful. What a blessing to visit here and see your amazing work :).And you are right, sometimes we have to let go, in order to gain control. Blessings to you and yours...have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thanks for joining in at Song-ography.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post, Deanna, and it meant so much to me to read about how someone else got through such hard times. I think when we share stories like this, we really do touch others, as I'm sure you did. I'm glad you found the strength you needed, and I'm so glad that you life is full of blessings.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful testimony Deanna! Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi Deanne. Your post really touched me. your are so blessed that you have family and friends surrounding you at this time of Thanksgiving. God is good Ll of the time if we put our trust in Him. Have Greta weekend.
ReplyDeleteI have been with you in that closet, just under different circumstances.
ReplyDeleteYou must be such a strong woman, Deanne. Gorgeous photographs.
ReplyDeleteI know how you must have felt having just lost a family member way too early. I envy you your faith.
ReplyDeleteHappy that you are in a good place, Deanna. Have a lovely Thanksgiving! xo
ReplyDeleteI know that closet... Beautiful, beautiful photos!
ReplyDelete