Sunday, November 10, 2013

Strong Enough


My Mom passed away 3 years ago this month.  As like many of you who have lost their Mothers, I miss her every single solitary day.  As I write this tears are forming and soon they will be running down my cheeks, blurring my vision.  But my vision of my Mom remains clear, she was one strong cookie.  The above quote describes her perfectly.  She was a single Mother, divorced with a small child in the early 1940's, not an easy time to be a single Mom.  My "father" decided when he returned from the war he did not want to be married any longer, leaving my Mother and me to make our own way in the world without him.  I don't know why I included myself in that last statement, I was a mere child, a toddler when my father left us.  My Mother was the one that made "our" way in this world, certainly not me. Probably in somewhat of a disgrace my Mother left her home in Kansas and moved to Amarillo, TX where her older sister now lived.  Mom and I had a small apartment, one bedroom as I faintly remember, she worked full time and I stayed in a nursery all day.  Without a car, Mom and I would ride a bus to the nursery, then she would continue on to work, only to repeat, in reverse, again in the evening, 5 days a week. It wasn't until I was 4 years old that Mom met and eventually married the only man I ever knew as a father.

They lived a happy life, married for over 50 years until my "father" (he did officially adopt me) died of heart failure in June, 2001, leaving my Mother alone again.  Only this time there was no baby to worry about, but by this time Mom was in her 80's.   She continued to live in her home, kept busy with her friends, still drove, until she fell ill with pneumonia when she was 89.  At this time Mom lived in McAllen, TX, way down in the "valley", not an easy place to travel to if you are in a hurry.  No direct flights, always changing planes in either Dallas or Houston so when she fell ill my brother and I decided that perhaps she should live closer to one of us.  He lived in Houston at the time so she began looking at "assisted living" places in Houston.

After she was released from the hospital and then rehab I asked her to come stay with us for the summer, time for her to completely recover.  But as time moved forward it became obvious that she should not live on her own any longer.  Eventho she had recovered from the pneumonia it had taken a toll on her body, she never regained the strength she had prior to her illness.  At that same time, my sweetie began to really decline from Alzheimer's. Mom would stay with him while I ran errands, and when I was able to join friends for an occasional evening out, Mom would prepare dinner and stay with my sweetie, entertaining him until I returned home.  She was my rock when "things" started to really get bad.  She and I spent many hours playing Scrabble or Yahtzee or Gin Rummy, entertaining both of us.  Every evening at 5:00 PM we would have our glass of wine together.  Without her for conversation I think I would have gone stir crazy.  My sweetie had by this time really lost his ability to carry on any kind of conversation.

After 6 months of staying with us, she made the decision to sell her home and move in permanently. She lived with us for about 2 1/2 years prior to her death and most of that time she was in fairly good health.  She had congestive heart problems which she battled with many trips to the heart hospital for treatments and an occasional stay, but she loved to shop, go out to eat & have her glass of wine each evening.

I had moved away from my parents as soon as I married, only seeing them about once a year sometimes twice, so being with my Mom again after all those years of being apart was a blessing I will always treasure.  I grew to know the woman, and what a strong woman she was and for that I am grateful.

"What my mother did - not said - gave me the courage to look ahead."  ~  Ron Burton

Until next time.....

24 comments:

  1. Beautiful post Deanna-you were indeed lucky to have had her so close to you physically for the little while that she was...

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  2. Oh, Deanna, this was a beautiful post about such a strong women! May your memories of her always be a source of comfort!!

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  3. {sigh} Being that losing my mom is still so new to me, I totally understand the time involved with caring for a loved one. But it's time I wouldn't trade for anything. Thank you for this Deanna...and I'm sorry for the loss of your mom. I can see i'm in for a bit of a long road of recovery. Thank you for helping pave the way for me. xo

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  4. What a blessing to have these memories, and a woman who was strong in your life. Wonderful that you had the privelege of having her in your home for the last years of your life. Hard sometimes, but something that you never regret. How wonderful that we will someday see our mothers again!

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  5. What a blessing you had those last 2 1/2 years! She sounds like a wonderful woman. xx, Becky

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  6. What a blessing you were for each other. My mother lived with me the last three years of her life and I would gladly do it all over again. I miss her daily.

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  7. really beautiful, deanna. you were given a gift in the mother you were born to, and that you were able to spend her last years together with her...

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  8. Beautiful post and tribute Deanna, I see a lot of you from what you have written about your Mom.

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  9. This is such a sweet story, Deanna. Your mother sounds like an amazing woman and I can only imagine how much you miss her. It's wonderful you had that time together when she moved in with you. You'll always have those years to remember.

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  10. What a beautiful tribute to your Mom, Deanna.
    She surely was one special woman.

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  11. Such a beautiful tribute to your mother. She does sound like a strong woman who lived a full and rewarding life.

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  12. Eloquently spoken from the heart. A beautiful post Deanna.

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  13. Bless you. Those of us fortunate enough to have a strong, loving mom have a never ending gift. Even after they have gone, all that they were never leaves us. Beautiful tribute.

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  14. I love the fact that she was able to come and stay with you and could have that sense of knowing she was serving such a beautiful purpose of encouraging and helping you, and keeping you company. What a gift that was for both of you, and really all of you. God knows just what we need!

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  15. I can see that you get your resilient nature from your mom. And I think it's not a coincidence that she was with you when you needed her help with your 'sweetie'. And, I knew this before, but this post confirms it: You, my friend, are a caregiver. I see with with your husband; taking your mom in; your children and grans; and now ... with the two 'kids' who share your home with you. Being their caretaker fulfills you. xo

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  16. Deanna, I have tears in my eyes, too. My Mom raised me after my father died when I was 9. She worked long hours, and I was a latch-key kid. Her strength and determination led the way for us both. Perhaps you and I both hope we are like our mothers - they set a good example for us.

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  17. Lovely tribute to your mother, Deanna. She sounds like a strong and caring person. I'm sure you miss her.

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  18. So beautiful. A wonderful tribute to your mom! What a blessing to have those last years together.

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  19. My mom is a very strong woman too. And this week was the anniversary of losing my dad (step) whom I felt a very strong connection to. I always feel so guilty for being so far away and not being able to help like I would like, or just have coffee because....my sister lives a block from her and rarely ever sees her....that I don't understand.

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  20. Such a beautiful tribute to you mother, Deanna. It sounds like she was a strong woman indeed! I am so glad you had the blessing of having her with you during her last years. I'm sure you were a blessing to her, too.

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  21. Lovely thoughts on your Dear Mother, Deanna. I think that generation of women were so strong and it sounds like your Mom had it especially rough for the first part of your life. You were a good daughter to take her in when you both needed each other the most. I know it was a blessing to have that time together. It will be 3 years my Mother is gone in March and my Dad a year after suffering Alzheimer's for many years, but now they are together again and that gives me comfort. I know they are always with me, as your Mother is with you, in our hearts every day. Hugs xoxo

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  22. A wonderful tribute to your mother, a strong woman!

    An ode to STRONG WOMEN
    May we know them,
    May we raise them,
    May we be them,
    and may we always remember them.

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  23. This is such a touching post. I could relate to much of it, as my mother raised me as a single parent, and then I moved away when I married. You were blessed to have her live with you for so long (tho not long enough I know) towards the end. God bless.

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  24. Your Mom sounds like a wonderful courageous woman! It's nice that you had that special time together although I know it's never long enough. Thanks for sharing her story Deanna! {{{hugs}}}

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