Time Goes By....

Sunset at the Mackinac Bridge

I've been missing this place. Since my last post back in May, (surely it can't be that long ago) a lot has happened in my life. Some great, some good, some gladness, some sadness. I began this blog in May of 2011 when my sweetie was still home with me and I was desperate to find an outlet for creativity. I had found a new passion, photography that was a "hobby" that my sweetie could be with me by my side as I began to hone my photography skills.  I began using flickr as my "go-to" for posting my pictures a year earlier, but somehow I felt the need to write more, post more....thus the beginnings of this blog. After I settled my sweetheart in bed for the night, I would open my laptop and begin writing. It was tranquilizing after a day of dealing with the devastation of Alzheimer's. I purposefully didn't want my blog to be about my struggles or about my sweetie's illness. I focused on the beauty around me and it's here that I found peace.

Shaker Town near Lexington, KY

This blog gave me that outlet that I needed, and I posted almost daily for several years. Then I began to let my posting slide, I began to skip short periods of time, then long periods of time, now so irregular that I will be surprised if anybody finds this. Blogging has become almost a thing of the past, Instagram has taken over. I don't know about you, but I find it difficult to express feelings on Instagram. And I'm sure not crazy about ranting and whining on Facebook. My soul hurts from all the negatives that are posted on Facebook. We've had so much sadness and devastation in our lives recently that some days scrolling thru social media becomes a burden. Yes, I do agree that it's a good platform for keeping in touch with friends and family, but so much more has filtered thru.

Sunrise in Door County over Lake Michigan

Oh my, when I began writing this post, I didn't realize that I would get off track with social media. Now, back on track....I've traveled quite a bit since early spring going to Mackinaw, Michigan, Lexington, Ky, Door County, WI, Santa Fe, NM and finally to Gunnison, CO. Ofcourse having my camera always attached to my body.

North of Santa Fe, NM

While I was on my last trip to Colorado for a week-long photography workshop I received a call from my daughter that my sweetie had been admitted to the hospital with a UTI.  He has had a handful of these attacks since he has been in a care facility, always responding to the medication and after about 3 days in the hospital he returns to his residence. Not this time, he developed a serious infection and there were few options. Prayerfully and with a great deal of thought, I made the choice to place him under Hospice Care, knowing that his quality of life was not what he would want for himself. With all in agreement that this was the right choice, my sweetie passed in no pain with his family by his side on Thursday, Sept 21st. There were many tears shed that night, a lot of hugs and a beautiful prayer and blessing from the hospital chaplain. As we were leaving the hospital the night nurses that had cared for him earlier in the week came to us, also with tears in their eyes and gentle hugs for our loss. 

Santa Fe National Cemetery 

I took this image above less than a week before my sweetie died, not knowing that within a few days I would be making the decision for his ashes to be buried at a cemetery similar to this one with a gravestone like the ones above.  My faith, my family and my friends were there for me when I needed them the most.  I am at peace with my decision knowing that he is resting in God's hands, whole again and without any pain. Fifty-three years of marriage to a wonderful man.

Until next time.....

Bragging = Kick in Butt

You know how it is, you start bragging about something and then it turns around and kicks you in the butt.  Yesterday my post was about how I successfully (?) weaned myself off of the anti-depressants I have been taking over the past several years.  No sooner had I hit the "publish" button than I received a call telling me that my husband had been accepted at the nursing facility here in my city, and they needed a definite day that he would be moved.  Well, the tears began to flow and flow they did for most of the afternoon as I made the arrangements for his move on Friday and asking my friend, Marti to be with me since my daughter just left this morning for NYC and won't be back until Sunday afternoon.  Tears continued to flow as the Director at his "new" place told me what a gentle man he was, how he would fit in well, they would take good care of him, etc etc.  Am I going to get that bottle out with the little blue pills, no.  But I know that it is there if I feel the need for that extra help down the line.  Granted this is an upsetting time, moving my sweetie from a place that I felt very comfortable with to a new more hospital like environment, but I know it is needed, he needs it and that is what's important right now.

Thank you to all who commented yesterday on my need for help when I was at a very low point in my life and I congratulate those who have recognized their own needs and have taken steps to live better, happier, more fulfilling lives with the help of medication when needed.  There is no shame in these needs and I thank God that there is medication to help us when our lives spin out of control.

My daughter, her husband and my youngest granddaughter came with Mac (the Huskie) to spend the evening and the night with me prior to leaving on their trip to NYC which is a grand way to cheer me up.  Their lives are always so busy that this is a rare occurrence when they can spend the night.  But since I am 1 hour closer to the airport and they had an early morning flight that made sense.  I took the opportunity to shoot a few pictures of Brie right prior to the sun setting.  When she was younger she really didn't like Nana taking pictures, but now she gladly poses...makes this Nana's heart happy.

Brie will be a junior at Iowa State University in the fall studying zoology.  Her dream is to become a zookeeper and currently she is doing an internship at a small zoo during the summer months.  She has always been an animal lover since she was just a wee one, so working with zoo animals is perfect for her.

Well, must go...need to hop in the shower, the girls are coming here this morning instead of our usual B&N.  I am dog-sitting Mac, the Huskie, and just didn't feel comfortable leaving the two dogs here ALONE so soon after my daughter & family left.  So coffee on the screen porch instead of B&N this morning.

Have a good day, hope the sun is shining, if not in the sky, in your heart.

Until next time....

Life Is Not Always a Bowl of Cherries

I have always loved cherries....my kitchen has a cherry theme, when I was a rubber stamper, cherries were one of my favorite subjects.  I can't even remember how many cherry rubber stamps I own, but it's in the double figures for sure.  I think many of my friends must know how much I tend to like cherries because I have received various gifts over the years with cherries as the central theme....jewelry, notecards, socks, aprons, towels, bags & purses.  

I certainly do not mind that friends associate me with cherries....I think cherries are cheery, who doesn't want to be thought of as cheery?

But life isn't always a bowl of cherries.  We all know that not only do cherries have pits, but so does life itself.  The trick is to get rid of the pits and still enjoy the sweetness of life.

 

I am hoping this latest pit in my life will turn sweet as the week progresses.  I have appointments with 4 nursing homes on Tuesday to determine where I will move my sweetie.  I am so praying that one stands out sweeter than the others and becomes my sweetie's new home soon.

An extra prayer from you will help....I do strongly believe in the beautiful, sweet power of prayer.  Sometimes life really is the pits.....but with my family and friends I feel blessed and it helps me to overcome these times.  Thank you.....

Until next time.....

Dark & Cloudy With Little Light

Last night I couldn't sleep....so what else is new?  After tossing and turning I decided to get up and go sit on the back porch, that usually lulls me to sleep, or at least settles my thoughts.  I think it is the quietness of the night with an occasional bird chirp (a bird with insomnia too?) that calms my soul.

I received some bad news on Friday about my sweetie.  The Memory Care facility that I raved about last week has informed me (gently) that they can no longer care for my husband.  He now requires constant supervision, he can no longer do anything for himself, including eating....he continues to fall frequently without injuries so far, he is entering the last stages of Alzheimers.  If he was confined to a wheel chair that would be a different story, but because he is so mobile, they do not have the staff to care for him.  I now must find a nursing home to care for him for his safety.  Something that I had hoped and prayed would never happen.  The staff will assist me in finding this place, they will go with me on my search and when the decision is made they will transfer him to his new home.  My heart aches, I feel like the image above....dark & cloudy with little light.

"You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from nesting in your hair."  ~  Chinese Proverb

Until next time.....