Friday, January 25, 2013

The Skies Were Grey, The Land Looked Cold

Today should have been a day of celebration....today is our 49th Wedding Anniversary.  But today was not a celebration, today was a day that I reminisced on the 49 anniversaries.  The last 2-3 have been just another day since my husband no longer remembers me, or that he is married, or even what an anniversary is.  As I whispered in his ear, "honey today is our anniversary, we have been married for 49 years."...he looked at me and smiled and said "that's wonderful."  And then he continued eating his lunch.  Yes, right now I am feeling a little low.  It wasn't supposed to be like this.  We should be together, celebrating, traveling, enjoying retirement.  But that wasn't the plan.

I am blessed with good friends, a nice home, enough money to live a comfortable life, good health but I miss those simple things in life that we shared together.  The sweet good night kisses, the hand holding, the arm around my shoulder, the opening of the car door....all those little incidental, everyday things are
what I miss the most.

As I drove away from The Memory Care facility I decided to drive thru the countryside.  It did snow last night, but not enough to even cover the grass...the skies were grey and the land looked cold and deserted, pretty much the way I was feeling on the inside.




I drove about 20 miles thru the countryside and these cows were the only living creatures I saw....they were enjoying the leftovers in the corn field.


So if you are married or have a significant other....give them a kiss tonight and hold their hand.  It's the little things that are important.


“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”


                                                                                            ~  Robert Brault

Until next time.....

34 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your sadness today and I wish for you a happier day tomorrow. I know you cherish those wonderful days from your past. Thank goodness for those memories.

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  2. Thinking of you, Deanna, with love and compassion and a deep respect for the person you are in the face of everything. Love lives in you and it always shines through to us readers.
    Pam

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  3. i love your red barn. God Bless You Deanna. may you be wrap in his Godly arms, feel the love, the warmth & kindness from us all. we are holding your hands. you bring such light to the blog world & i thank GOD for YOU daily. i always wish that when i hear some one feel sad or at loss - i wish i had the words to ease your pain. make it all better. big big hugs. ( :

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  4. I am sad that you are feeling down - grey, cold and deserted - such heart-wrenching words. I can only say I'm sorry and that I'm thinking of you and sending my heartfelt best wishes for a better day tomorrow {hugs}.

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  5. You seem like such a strong person and I am sure tomorrow will be a better day. Peace and blessings to you tonight.

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  6. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to have your husband and still not have him. It has to be so frustrating...and lonely. I have no words of wisdom to offer here...only a shoulder that you can cry on. I will come and listen to what you have to say, and should you only want an ear to hear, I will make no comment...just let me know.

    My heart breaks for you. Hugs.

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  7. Oh, Deanna, I have a lump in my throat after reading this. We never know what life may have in store for us. I hope and pray you won't stay down for long. Your photos are gorgeous as they always are. Sending hugs to you from the Deep South.

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  8. i am sorry for the grief that you must endure for so long.

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  9. Oh, Deanna, it is so sad that your husband no longer knows you or that you have been married for 49 years. I pray that tomorrow will be a brighter day for you.
    Sending love and hugs.
    Barb

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  10. Deanna... I remember hearing very similar words from my mom... Alzheimer's is a horrific disease... I'm sorry you are having to take such a detour from the path you envisioned. I'm sending you hugs from the drizzly coastline of California & best wishes for a beautiful Saturday.

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  11. Your words deeply touched me. So sorry for your pain. Sending you sweet and peaceful thougts.

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  12. Thank you for sharing your story of pain that Alzheimer's bring. Sending you a BIG cyber HUG!! Beautiful images.

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  13. Dear Deanna, Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry your day of celebration had such sadness. But I'm happy that you did have so many wonderful years before. As always, your photos are beautiful and so well done.

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  14. This brought tears to my eyes as I remember exactly when I realized both my parents did not know each other anymore, or me, their only daughter.... it is such a hard road to travel.... such a lonely,awful, awful,sad disease...My only hope and strength that got me thru the years, was knowing that one day I would see them whole again...
    I miss them.. Photography became my therapy...
    I miss what should have been.. what could have been... I know your grief all too well...
    Praying for peace for you as you remember, Know that thru your pain.. your pictures and story are helping others...{{Hugs}}

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  15. This is such a post. The words and pictures make it perfect. And just wanted to say that red bran photo is the most gorgeous picture of a red barn I have seen.

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  16. I'm reading this out loud to my husband, with tears and a lump in my throat so big. I just want to reach in through my screen and hug you tight. I know this is the path I'm on with my parents...it saddens me to no end. I'm glad you find strength in family and friends....even ones writing on the other side of the screen..xoxo

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  17. Holding you in my heart, Deanna -- the words and images together beautifully convey the mood --

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  18. Beautiful images and such sad thoughts! A lesson learned here Dear Lady i will definitely have an extra hug and kiss for my hubby today! So sorry for you and your husband will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

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  19. Deanna sending you loving thoughts and prayers. I cannot even begin to understand what you are going through. I only know that God is wrapping His arms around you to help ease the pain and loss you feel. Beautiful photos. That red barn is breathtaking.

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  20. You send us so much love in your photos and words. I hope you can feel the love we are sending back to you.

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  21. Deanna sending you hugs from across the Atlantic, you are a strong brave woman I admire you tremendously......

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  22. Oh Deanna, I have a big lump in my throat after reading this. I am glad that you and your husband had so many happy years together, thou'. Just remember and treasure them. *hug*

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  23. With tears in my eyes & a lump in my throat - I send you love & hugs. I know that is not enough for how much your heart is hurting & there is no magic pill to take away your pain. Just know that there are those of us in this great big world who really care - even if we've never met personally (maybe some day?), but we do.
    Praying for you my friend.

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  24. Hi Deanna, I wish i could reach out and give you a hug right now...Oh, what you are going thru must be so difficult. I am glad you surround yourself with a supportive family, good friends and your wonderful photography. Your heart shines thru each and every photo you create. I am so glad we met up in blogland and maybe one day we will get to meet in person and share a cup of tea and a good conversation...you know i just live in Geneva...

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  25. Big virtual hug, my friend ...

    xoxo

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  26. Sending you a hug my friend. Love that cow or steer not sure what sex it is!

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  27. Deanna - you are an incredibly beautiful, loving, and devoted wife. I could feel the pain in your words, the strain of making it appear okay when every fiber in you is screaming it is not. I know your Prince Charming has lost the capacity to give you the small signals of love, but his response and smile is evidence that he still feels and you made him feel good, even if he didn't understand.

    Your winter images are beautiful.

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  28. Well you've already had a lot of kind and caring comments, so I'll ditto those and thank you for the reminder and thank God for the sweetness in my marriage. Truly!

    But also? That cow is so awesome! The detail in his coat is perfect. One thing you still have is steady hands! (or an amazing commitment to your tripod) ;-)

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  29. Congratulations to you both, to Gary for choosing you and to you for the wonderful care you provide for him. I watched my MIL through the same disease. It is hardest on those that love the one afflicted. She was loved and happy and well cared for and safe. That made us happy.
    Big hugs to you sweet Deanna!

    xo,
    Linda

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  30. Deanna, Your post tugs at my heart. I just read it to my husband - we've been married for 46 and counting. Hugs to you, my friend.

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  31. Deanna, How my heart aches along with you... your images are always a delight to see... xo {{{hugs}}}...

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  32. Oh, I feel for you. And will say that I often wonder what I would do with my hubby...like you say...just that comfort of an arm around your shoulders, or to hold your hand as you drive along. Little things.

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  33. Oh dear sweet Deanna, I'm so sorry I missed this before, and so sorry for your emptiness, your sadness....{huge, gigantic HUG}, and even if I had not met you in person I would have already known that you are such a strong woman and I admire you for the grace in which you handle all of this. Much love to you, another really big {{HUG}} xo

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  34. Deanna, not sure how I missed this post. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I found some comfort in believing that deep down inside...the memories are there. They just can't make their way out. But they are there. You are in his heart. Happy "belated" anniversary my friend.

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