Sunday, January 8, 2012

JOY ? ? ?

It's now or never.....I was late decorating, now I am late in un-decorating.   I start, then I stop, then I start, then I stop.....this has been going on for 3 days now with each day being the absolute final day.  I am going to get up in the morning and "hit it" a term for no dawdling, get right to the task at hand. And every morning I do get up, but "hitting it"? not so much.  Honestly I have been a little (no I take that back...alot) weepy in the midst of the un-decorating.  This year it really hit me that my Mom was gone, she was last year, but for some reason I didn't feel the loss as much last year.  Maybe I was still in mild shock since she had only passed away in November and Gary was still home at the time, and my worries were with him.  But the loss of her presence this year was met with more than one sad, teary thought.  And ofcourse, with Gary not being here this year has been a double whammy.  I am sounding  a little sorry for myself, and I am, no denying it.  I am sorry that my Mom passed so quickly, I am sorry that Gary is suffering from a disease that takes him further and further away from me, I am sorry that my son lives so very far away, I am sorry that my daughter is so busy with her life schedule that we don't get to spend much time together, I am sorry to see my grandchildren grow so quickly and develop grown-up lives of their own.  OK, enough already.  You have had your pity party, now it is time to find your that my Mom passed quickly and didn't linger and suffer, joy that I found a wonderful place for Gary that is loving and caring, joy that Lane has found the love of his life and he is happy, joy that Lisa does have a busy life and that she is happy and has found great success, joy that my grandchildren are growing into wonderful adults, joy that I have outstanding friends that do fill my life with tons of happiness, joy for my Toby....I have no words to describe what a companion he is, joy that I discovered my love of photography which has led me to more wonderful "on-line virtual" friends, joy that I have enough money to pay the bills and live a comfortable (not extravagant) life, joy that I know God continually watches over me, takes care of me, leads me, and wipes my tears.  And I found it rather coincidental that the very last ornament that came off the tree today was this.....perhaps God is spelling it out for me that I need to look to the joy in my life and pack all that sorrow away.

"Life is a series of moments.  Each moment should be welcomed in joy and relinquished in joy"  ~  Deepak Chopra

Until next time......


  1. Deanna,

    Your words and thoughts have touched me deeply.

    Thank you for sharing.


  2. I love the quote. We should all concentrate a little more on the good things in our lives.

  3. wow, what a tough lady you are. i'm sorry it has been so tough for you lately. we can surely find JOY in all things. each day. it maybe as small as a cup of coffee & as big as the full moon out tonight that brings us JOY ... (that i'm wanting so badly to photograph but always looks blurry)... i find JOY in so much. i hope in time it will be easier or maybe hurt less. loss is tough. i agree with you, when you shelter your heart, so it won't hurt as much ... then you suddenly are hit with it in a big wave. wow ... rough & tough. i'll lift you up in prayer tonight. big hugs. thank you for sharing this. (:

  4. I love this post. God works in mysterious AND clever ways :)


  5. You have wonderful joys Deanna. And I can tell from your wonderful blog that you too are a joy to many!

    My daughter is going to Belize on a mission trip next week. I promised to help her with putting away her decorations if she'd wait till she gets back so I'll have time to photograph some of them.

  6. Ahhh, I too have had the un-decorating problem, but everything is down and just needing to be put in boxes....sorry you were feeling sad! I have been a bit weepy myself, but I am having some trouble with "the change"!!

  7. Deanna, I'm wishing you lots of joy, you so deserve it. I'm so glad you have Toby. Dogs are the best. Have you read The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein? Great book which I see will be made into a movie. I now imagine Stella as a human inside. The book is a tear jerker at times but it's a really good read.

  8. You sound just like me.. Once I am over my pity party I always see how lucky I am....

    I am sending BIG HUGS your way!!

  9. Deanna, my heart goes out to you. I have felt very much the same way with taking down my tree. I said I wouldn't cry, but I did. I know life must go on...and it will. But it's never the same. I, too, am looking for and choosing joy. This post touched me dearly. I'm so sorry for your losses and heartache over things that can't be changed, but glad you are a strong woman looking at the bright side...moving in the right direction. God bless and praying lots of happiness will be sent your way.


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