What a stunningly beautiful woman she was, one of the great beauties of her day who was also known for her tendency to want very much to be alone. "I vant to be alone..." was her mantra. That was her choice...!! This post today is not really about Greta Garbo, but about being alone and not really by choice, like Greta. After living alone for just over a year, following the decision to place my sweetie in a Memory Care Facility, I have found that I have embraced "life alone". If life would have continued the way I thought it would, living together with my sweetie and enjoying retirement together I would never have considered living alone, nor did I ever have the desire to fly solo. After being so tightly wound in the daily trials and tribulations of having a spouse with Alzheimer's I feel a certain relief and freedom that had been so foreign to me. The relief that he is well taken care of, he is safe, he is content and the freedom to live a fuller life. To be able to enjoy Bible Study with my spiritual sisters, to join an art league, to have lunch with an old friend, to continue my passion for photography, to enroll in adult education courses at our local college...these would not have happened if I was not living "alone".
There are days that the only voice I hear are the voices from the TV or perhaps the voice of a telephone solicitor if I happen to slip and answer the phone without checking the caller ID...that's OK. These are the times when I really want to be alone, like Greta, but indeed there are times that I need to be with people. I am blessed with a great group of friends that I am with regularly and my blogging buddies, eventho we do not see each other or have never met I feel a definite connection and I am not alone when I read your posts, or your messages posted here.
While I was walking the beach on the shores of Lake Michigan last weekend we began a conversation with a man who was waiting for his wife and daughter to return from a walk. During the conversation he talked about his Dad and the fact that only a few months after the death of his Mom, he was dating. He stated..."Men can't be alone, you women are much stronger than we men. We need that companionship." What I really think he meant was that men need women to take care of them..hee hee. But I have known several men who have lost their wives and they usually re-marry within the first 6 months. And on the other side of the coin, I know many women who are perfectly satisfied and happy with their lives alone and do not need that "companionship" of a man. They do not need to be taken care of...they take care of themselves.
While I was living in the horrors of Alzheimer's I did not think that my life would ever improve, and that I would continually sink into the hole of caregiving. But after living life alone for this past year I know that God was holding my hand during the bad times, leading me to this new and different life, knowing that I would embrace it. I am alone, not by choice like Greta Garbo, but by circumstances. I have learned that sometimes my plans are not God's plans and that life can be good alone.
"For when a woman is left too much alone, sooner or later she begins to think - And no man knows what then she may discover. " ~ Edwin A Robinson
Until next time....
It is good to hear that you have adjusted and have found an acceptance of your situation. I have been thinking a lot about this the last couple of weeks. Everything you have said is so true. I love being alone all day, love going out alone, do not mind eating in a restaurant alone, etc., but these are my choices and to think that my husband may not be with me in life is a completely different thing.
ReplyDeleteDeanna, that last photo is so thought provoking to me. You know, I guess we truly never know what we are capable of until we are forced to a particular situation. But how wonderful to know we can flourish, even tho it isn't something we may have chosen for ourselves. In a way, it's a gift to be given that realization. Been thinking about you...glad to see all is well :)
ReplyDeletei never thought about the "needs" of men vs. women after the death of a companion. and what you say may be true! also. the robinson quote? love it.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting to read your perception on the events in your past couple of years. I feel like not many people talk about it. I spent only 3 years taking care of my mom who had Alzheimer's. That's how I got into photography. We would go places and I would take pictures with my little point and shoot and then show her to remind her. Later when I had time on my hands I started taking more pictures. Your shots are beautiful!
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully put! You have expressed yourself in a way that is so loving and compassionate! Bravo to you and your creative spirit being allowed to flourish! My sincere and best wishes to you. I love all of your photos!
ReplyDeleteSo happy for you that your sweetie is in a place that is safe and comfortable. That must make your journey alone much easier. I think you are right about most men and most women. Women do seem to bear being alone with much more grace. Beautiful photos to illustrate your post today!
ReplyDeletei hope you realize how much you mean to me. i know you only through this blogging world. i've never seen you face to face but i feel like i know ya. i pray for you daily. i think about how it would be to be alone. but i think of all your family & friends you talk about seeing & i know you have folks. so i try not to feel to sorry. but i wonder if i could survive as you do? daily alone? i feel you are so strong & so positive. your attitude is so high. they say that GOD give us what we can handle... know i'm here for you. listening through it all. & glad to hear you are in love with your "alone time". i know when the hubby goes to work i'm happy for that time to do what i wish when i wish. makes me smile & feel happy about it. WOMEN are so STRONG, aren't we??! big big hugs!! (:
ReplyDeleteSo well written Deanna, as someone who has been alone now for 11 years it isn't always easy but then again I want to live so that makes it easier.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful reflections! I lived alone for ten years before I got married. I was so surprised when a man showed up who I always preferred to be with over being alone. He is a true gift, but still, I treasure quiet moments! It's so good to hear you are healing, Deanna.
ReplyDeleteDeanna, this is such a beautiful and uplifting post.
ReplyDeleteYou have a wonderful attitude, and it so shines through in your words.
xo.
You are a strong and courageous woman. I am so glad you are able to share your remarkable talents with us. Loved reading this.
ReplyDeleteI love the sunlit quality of the pictures. I'm so glad that you are embracing your life and accepting that you did a good thing for your husband -- I'm imagining that you had conflicting emotions about it, and I'm glad you made it to the other side. How great that you have so much to do!
ReplyDeleteI think you are a very strong woman and I think people need to do what they need to do to soothe their soul without judgement. beautiful sentiments.
ReplyDeleteOh that was so tender. thank you. Life is so strange, odd and weird at times. I was a widow for nine years before I met my current husband of twelve. (I was married prior to the widowhood time, but we divorced after 10 years) I've experienced the separation times and the sadness times and the together times. I appreciated you sharing this, your story, your life. Sometimes being alone is ok, it really is.
ReplyDeleteInteresting post, beautiful photographs. I am greeting
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing post so aptly written by someone I can only believe to be an amazing person. Your emotions echo many I have either experienced personally, or what I witnessed by my mother and friends. Beautiful post Deanna, thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautiful, profound post. That you shared such a painful part of your life here is testament to how strong you really are. Life does seem to overwhelm and overtake us at times, but if we are faithful and patient, there will be something better to come along and relieve our distress. God bless you, Deanna. You are an amazing woman.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Love the photos, as usual! :)
I am grateful to be one of your blog readers.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a wonderful post, Deanna! I always love to come here and read and see and admire and be inspired! Thanks so much, Deanna!
ReplyDeleteDeanna, What a great post and one I found particularly important to me. My Elbert has been gone 20 months and although I said that after spending 60 years as his wife and loving it... and 11 years as his caregiver... that I wanted to be alone. And, then I met someone... not sure how that is going to turn out but I know at some point I must address that issue on my blog 'It's a new day a new life'. It is a subject that needs discussing as more and more women are choosing to be alone and more and more men need 'someone to be with'.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a heartfelt post my friend. I just know I would be just like you if something ever happened to my husband. To tell you the truth I don't think I could find another love like him. But I really admire the way you pick up the pieces and you're enjoying your life. I really do admire that about you. And that you take awesome photos.
ReplyDeleteHugs~
The person dependent on Christ has the amazing ability to maintain a steady ship on a stormy sea... You're an amazing example of this Deanna. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post. I admire your way of thinking and your lovely photos :)
ReplyDeleteWhooooaaa...Deanna, your poignant words touch me in oh so many ways. The photos are lovely and quotes perfect. I admire your ability to put yourself out there, even when it's painful and difficult. One truly is not the loneliest number as I discovered and I believe you have, too.
ReplyDeleteI love these shots and the quotes are so true too, we must all be true to ourselves and sometimes that means we are alone but only alone on the outside :)
ReplyDeleteDeanna, this is so beautifully written. My grandmother had alzheimers and this touched me in many ways. Your images are amazing as always and I hope your alone time is refreshing!
ReplyDeleteSo very true Deanna. So many times we are given things by this thing called life that we do not plan on or have even contemplated. The only thing to do is to embrace what we have been given and move forward with it. It may be hard at times and we may not like it but truly the only choice is take it run with it.
ReplyDelete@ 3Beeze Homestead